Kintoopians

Planetary pulse

oshev — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 23:06:23 +0000

the tactile arterial feeling of the planetary beat by Kintoopians on the surface of Kintoop. The beats are generated by an internal planetary organ (heart) whose function is still in question. The planetary pulse is used as the smallest measurement of time on Kintoop. One year normally consists of 4000-5000 planetary pulses, depending on the mood of the planet. Regional conflicts, lack of caressing, entertaining, i.e. everything that worries or angers the planet causes an increase of planetary pulse, and speeds up Kintoopian lives. Conversely, everything that calms the planet down, makes her happier, but also depresses her, lowers the pulse rate and slows down Kintoopian society.

Kintoopian is the only creature that doesn’t refuse to be what he is.

oshev — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 19:03:42 +0000

“Kintoopian is the only creature that doesn’t refuse to be what he is.”

Camustoop

A spacenaut like my father

oshev — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 09:42:09 +0000

A Kintoopian to his friend:
‘I dreamt that I was a spacenaut like my father.’
‘Your father is a spacenaut?’
‘No, he dreamt that as well.’

New appendix species of the gender Fibroids is discovered in Golden Orifice

oshev — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 09:44:47 +0000

The new appendix species of the gender Fibroids was discovered in an area of Golden Orifice’s pristine jungle in the gondwanian sector of Thick Little Nails. The discovery was made during an expedition of NBSO, the National Body Sorter Organism, in the seventh-eighth of this period.
The new species has a totally different color from known species, ranging from turquoise to federal blue. It was found in an area between two rivers. Apparently, the rivers and their tributaries acted as a natural barrier that separated the different species of Fibroids living in the region.
The new species has been named Golden Thisklushie of Thick Little Nails, after the name of the discovery site. It is believed that, like the rest of thicklushies, their use may be chanelled toward writing, personal hygiene, or planetarium stroking.

The one who lives as a jibajib lives…

oshev — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:13:59 +0000

“The one who lives as a jibajib lives — who does not struggle for his creativity and does not believe that his actions possess any ultimate significance — remains jibajib-like.”

Nietzschetoop

_1.15. Dark_ room

oshev — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 09:26:20 +0000

Señor Martinez stopped and looked at me. I nodded towards the photo on the wall. There were more frames with similar photos farther down the corridor.

“Oh, that?” the chief said. “Well, basically nothing… Just some curious pictures. UFO landings… aliens… you know. Sci-fi stuff…” he added hastily and then fell silent. “I’m a big fan of it. It gives me ideas about the robots.”

Señor Martinez was looking at me, obviously waiting for my reaction.

I gazed at the black-and-white flat picture. The exact same spaceship was in it that I remembered. Fyodor was also amazed.

“What’s up? Have you already seen it?” Señor Martinez enquired. He did not seem to be in a hurry anymore. And he also became very serious.

“That photo?” Fyodor asked.

“Yes, or the spaceship,” the chief confirmed.

I slowly shook my head.

“Never!” I said.

The corners of Señor Martinez’ proboscis visibly dropped down for a moment. He inhaled the air and laughed out loud.

“Of course not, you fuckin’ little toad!” he shouted out. “It’s an extremely rare photo! The pride of my collection! But let’s say nothing more about it” he dragged me after him by the hand. “I don’t pay you to keep me company! Trabajar! Trabajar! As Adolf says.”

We reached the end of the corridor and stopped in front of one more stupid door.

“Bueno, Federico,” the chief said. “The name of your roommate is Pepinho. He’s an extremely smart boy with broad experience in robot engineering. Don’t be scared by the room, though. It’s a bit dark over there. All its fucking windows face the interior patio. And we don’t have anything else to offer you at the moment. The oficina is packed like sardines… But keep your pecker up! You’ll get used to your cuarto oscuro by the third day. Yeah, we call this room cuarto oscuro, or dark room, by the way.”

He looked at me. Fyodor shrugged. I frowned. I did not like the connotation of the word “dark”. It reminded me of the Dark Pole on Kintoop, the scariest zone of the planet, where thousands of Kintoopians disappeared every year.

“Don’t worry, smart boy, you might even like it!” the chief said, slapping my shoulder. “Pepinho begged us to let him move over there.”

I wondered from what sewer he had crawled out of.

The chief touched a protuberance on the door, pulled it down and tried to push the door. It did not open.

“What the hell!” Señor Martinez yelled. “What smart arse has locked the door?”

He started to hammer on the door and began shouting like ten fuzzons.

“Oye, alguien! Anyone! Platon, Josefino! Immediatamente traedme las llaves! The key!”

People and some robots leaned out of the offices.

“¡Pepinho! ¿Qué demonios haces ahí dentro? ¡Pepinho! ¡Deja de hacer el memo!” the chief bawled.

Unleash your creativity, old chaps, and you’ve conquered Kintoopian nature

oshev — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:37:41 +0000

“Unleash your creativity, old chaps, and you’ve conquered Kintoopian nature.”

Dickenstoop

When one spends too much time travelling, one finally becomes an alien on one’s own planet

oshev — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 06:51:55 +0000

“When one spends too much time travelling, one finally becomes an alien on one’s own planet.”

Descartoop

Schumatoop achieves his fourth ‘pole position’ at Horror Hills

oshev — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 08:16:34 +0000

Schumatoop secured the 50th pole position of his career, the fifth of the season, in the Grand Prix of Horror Hills, locating himself just five poles below Sennatoop’s record. The world hexachampion beat the Ubu-doo mountain man Hamiltoop by six tenths of the planetary pulse, and by eight tenths more than the Damp Valley man, Buttontoop. Alonsotoop was disqualified when his sled left the mucus canal.

Healing tongue

oshev — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 17:05:00 +0000

is a planetary appendix in the order of Actives and the family of Tongues. Originally they are from the Stinking Gorge that is close to Small Light Nose but because of their extreme importance healing tongues were artificially spread across the planet including the Dark and Light Poles areas, where they are cultivated in hotcaves. When they are stretched they can achieve a height of 30 to 100 proboscises and have a thick soft trunk that can change diameter from a third of the height of the specie to full height, making the tongue look like a ball. There is a hole, or throat, in the root of a healing tongue that goes deep into the planet. A natural instinct of a healing tounge is to swallow everything in the surrounding area down into the hole, first licking what it finds to enable a smoother gulp. Whereas the salivation of healing tongues is of major benefit for Kintoopians, and is the best way to suture our bodies, their habit of swallowing everything in their reach is extremely dangerous. There are very few chances to rescue a Kintoopian sunk into the planet. Tamed healing tongues are trained not to swallow or their throats are safely sewn up. Anyway it is not recommended to use a healing tongue without a qualified doctor.